Erica Becker Mom guilt—that tiny (or very big) voice inside your head telling you you’re not doing a good enough job in the parenthood department. A common example of mom (or dad) guilt could be allowing your child too much screen time. I can definitely attest to this one. Some days, it is absolutely necessary to run Peppa Pig on an all day loop just so that I can get some things done around the house. Other days, I need Peppa Pig on just for a mental break. I never thought I’d need Peppa and George as much as my kids do. All jokes aside—while some parents struggle with their own individual guilt, unwanted opinions from the outside may cause feelings of guilt and regret too. Some examples of this may be returning to work after maternity/paternity leave, the way we feed our children (breastfeeding vs formula), sleep training, the way we discipline—the list goes on. Sometimes these feelings are easy to shake off, but often times, they leave us questioning our choices as a parent, and if they’re affecting our children negatively.
Becoming a parent is possibly the biggest transition you’ll ever go through in your life. You are now responsible for a tiny human being. Not only do you have to take care of their basic needs (while sometimes forfeiting your own) but you are also trying to raise them to not be little a**holes. Our children do not come with a handbook, and it is up to us as their parent to learn what they may (or may not) need. With this kind of responsibility, it’s inevitable that we will make mistakes, and with that, we will undoubtedly feel guilt. Here are some ways I think we can manage those feelings.
Limiting Social Media
Scrolling through Instagram can be a fun way to pass the time, but when it starts to affect the way we see ourselves as a parent, then it’s time to put the phone down. It can be hard not to compare ourselves to others, especially when it looks like someone always has it all together. The perfect family photo, the mom who is so creative she can turn a piece of construction paper into a princess gown—remember, it’s just a highlight reel. Most of the time, people will choose the best parts of their life to share online. I guarantee you, the mom who makes all the Pinterest-worthy creations, feels guilty for letting her kids eat chicken nuggets 5 nights a week too.
Talk with Fellow Mom Friends
For some, talking it out can be very therapeutic, especially if you can relate with that person. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve called up one of my mom friends and asked if their kid did something weird like mine, or just to talk about a bad day I had. Maybe you lost your patience, or maybe you had a hard time working through a tantrum with your child. These relationships can help you to feel less alone on your motherhood journey. Need to add more people to your tribe? Taking classes at your local YMCA, mommy and me classes, or local mom groups on Facebook (like The SoFlo Moms) are a great way to meet people!
Self Care
I can’t stress the importance of this. If you don’t take care of yourself, how can you take care of anyone else? It doesn’t make you a bad mom to need a break from your children. It makes you human. I’m not talking about getting an hour of alone time to do the grocery shopping. I am talking about doing something that is completely for you. Something that makes your soul happy. Do you feel good when you get your nails done? Maybe a long run while listening to your favorite music gives your mind some clarity. Do it! You deserve it, mama.
Say Bye-Bye to Unhealthy Relationships
Now I know this is easier said than done, but if you find yourself around someone who is constantly judging you for how you parent your child, it may be time to rethink that relationship. You know what is best for your child. You know what works and what doesn’t. Sometimes people think they are being completely harmless by offering their opinion on something—and that’s okay. But if someone makes you feel bad for the choices you make, it may be time to cut the cord. Maybe it doesn’t have to be as drastic as cutting this person out of your life permanately, but maybe there needs to be a conversation about keeping their opinions on parenting to themselves.
Try not to Compare
Every child is unique. What Susie’s child does at 2 years old, may not be what your child is doing. Please don’t beat yourself up over this. It’s not a race. Your child will sleep through the night, your child will try more adventurous foods, your child will eventually be potty-trained, and your child will learn to communicate with you. Before you know it, you will be driving your child off to college, and all these worries will be just a distant memory. Remember to enjoy all of the moments of them being little — for the days are long, but the years are short.
I need you to take a deep breath, and repeat after me. I am a good mom. As long as your kids are happy and healthy, you are doing an amazing job, mama. Tonight when you’re putting your little ones to sleep, and they wrap their pudgy arms around your neck and tell you they love you—hold on to that moment. Hold them just a little longer. Remember you are your child’s entire world, and they love you exactly how you are. I know it can be hard, and there are so many things from the outside that can cause guilt, but all the love you give your kids from within yourself is all that matters.
