Crystal Merritt **The author is not a health care or medical professional and the contents of this website are for informational purposes only. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.**
The stigma surrounding mental health medications is real. When I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression following my son’s birth, I didn’t even know how to feel. My talk therapy had helped me process what I was going through on a daily basis, but ultimately (and within just one session) my therapist recommended I see a Dr. for medication. Following that first session, I said to myself there was no way I was going on medication. Heck, I wasn’t even going to call the Dr. But next session came just two days later and I felt defeated. Literally, crying on my therapist’s couch, I came to the realization that medication may help me. Making the choice was not easy, and I want to talk about a few reasons why.
It’s just not what I pictured.
This was not my life. I was in charge of writing my story, and there certainly was no chapter titled “Momma goes on meds”. This picture perfect life I had written out for myself was crumbling by the page, and it was really difficult to accept that I needed medical help. My therapist encouraged me that I get to write my own book, and at the same time it’s happening. This is a new story, but so is every day. Better to start it off feeling like waking up than not at all.
I didn’t want to feel like a failure.
I was ashamed to admit I was struggling. I felt like a failure. I felt like I failed myself because I couldn’t just “be happy”. I didn’t understand that anxiety and depression are REAL mental health issues and that, sometimes, we can’t help all by ourselves. My mind had not failed me, it was simply asking for help. I realized that, medically speaking, my brain needed help controlling and managing different chemical imbalances. It is not the same for everyone. If you are starting on a doctor recommended antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication, I recommend to take a look into how these medicines affect the brain.
I was afraid of the side effects.
It’s important to thoroughly discuss side effects and contraindications with your doctor before going on any medication. At the time of my diagnosis and medical intervention, I was not pregnant or breastfeeding. These conditions will absolutely affect your decision to begin or remain on medication. I personally was afraid of the unknown side effects so I heavily researched the exact prescriptions I was given and tracked any side effects for three months after starting. I did experience minor side effects like fatigue and some headaches the first three weeks after starting, but I discussed with my doctor (through a simple telehealth visit) and was able to adjust the time of day I took the medication to alleviate the symptoms that affected my daily life.
I was worried about what other people will think.
Some mothers feel they’re not allowed to admit they need medication because they’re afraid people will take it as a sign that they don’t love their baby or aren’t grateful for them. In my case, I was really worried someone would think I’m crazy, and somehow take my baby away from me. It’s hard to be truthful about how you really feel and talk to people when you don’t feel like you can trust them. My immediate family doesn’t really discuss emotions so mental health is not an issue we talk about. Nonetheless the need for it or the offering of help when someone is struggling. The lack of support I felt made the loneliness worse. I was glad I found solace in my therapist, who I did trust to keep my emotions/feelings safe. It’s important to find a therapist who you can trust.
Let’s talk about healthcare for mental health services…
The journey to even FIND a good therapist was a struggle. I made multiple calls to multiple offices to find my therapist. Most places weren’t taking new patients, some didn’t cover my insurance any longer, and some really just didn’t seem like the right fit. To me, it was very important to find a therapist that I clicked with. My current therapist no longer takes my insurance. It was a tough letter to read when I got that message in the mail. But, I’ll go back to the drawing board and find a new one. There are also telehealth counseling services like BetterHelp, maybe I’ll look into them.
I still struggle with my mental health. There are days when I’m overwhelmed with emotions: sadness, depression, anxiety and so much more. If you are feeling overwhelmed, check out my article on ways to improve your mental health. It’s not an easy journey to heal from trauma or work on your mental health. Especially when you have children and family that rely on you 24/7. Sometimes, it feels like I’m not allowed to be sad, or that I just don’t have time to cry. Ultimately, I know that sticking to a consistent regimen with my medication will help improve my mental health…for me and my family.
You are a good mom if you take medication to help with your mental health concerns during or after pregnancy.
You can talk to a trained volunteer right now on Postpartum Support International’s Helpline by calling 1-800-944-4773 (4PPD).
Maternal Mental Health Hotline- 1-833-9-HELP4MOMS (1-833-943-5746) Call or Text
If you need immediate support or are thinking about harming yourself or others, please call the Suicide and Crisis hotline by dialing 988.
